fake…
i dont know what to do. theres so many thoughts running through my head. i hate everything. i dont want this. i dont even know what to put anymore. i just wish all of this was over with. i just want us. i want the relationship that we had. i love her. i really do. and i KNOW that she loves me too. but shes too clouded with other thoughts. i will always love her as a husband no matter what.
yellowcard LITERALLY has the perfect song for me…
Fighting – Yellowcard
Said I’d moved on and I’d leave it alone,
But before I walk out there is something that I need you to know,
I got lost in a blink of an eye,
And I can never get back, no I never got back,
You were not there when I wanted to say,
That you were everything right and it wasn’t you but me to change,
Now I got to go it alone,
But I’ll never give up, no I’ll never give up
What am I fighting for,
There must be something more,
For all these words I sing,
Do you feel anything
I said I’m ok but I know how to lie,
You were all that i had,
You were delicate and hard to find,
Got lost in the back of my mind,
And I can never get back, no I never got back
You were not there when I needed to say,
I hit the bottom so fast that my head was spinning ’round for days,
Now I gotta go it alone,
But I will never give up, no I’ll never give up
What am I fighting for,
There must be something more,
For all these words I sing,
Do you feel anything
What am I fighting for,
What am I fighting for
Never give up on this, Never give up on this,Never give up on this, Never give up on this
Said I’m ok but I know how to lie,
I will never give up, no I’ll never give up
What am I fighting for,
There must be something more,
For all these words I sing,
Do you feel anything
What am I fighting for (No I’m never gonna give up, give up)
What am I fighting for (No I’m never gonna give up, give up)
Said that I’d fight for the one that I found,
I’m gonna stay here while I wait for you to come around,
I’d fight you’re apart of me now,
And I will never give up, no I’ll never give up….
that last verse is definitely how i feel. im gonna stay here while i wait for her to come around. i love her so much. BUT i know that this is what she wants. she wants to do this. but she doesnt want me to hurt. how am i supposed to not feel hurt? another line in the song, “said im ok but i know how to lie”. thats all im doing. im lying to myself. i say that everything is great. i have a great day. i love life. but inside, i hate everything. everyone is having a great time and constantly talking about girls. but all im doing is thinking about her. i hate this pain. ive never felt this before. ive never cried so much. nothing has ever meant so much to me. but what am i supposed to do? keep fighting for us? let her go and see if she’ll come back? either way, theres pain. i want to be her friend. i really do. but knowing that its not the same is what hurts. knowing that shes going to be with him is what hurts. thinking that our relationship is going to slip away more and more is what hurts. so i put on this fake smile to make her happy. but nothing will make me happy. im still fighting. i’ll never give up… i love her.
